econs lecture was so interesting todae..everyone is so alert and energetic.. wonder y.. & its de first time aft so long tt i dun feel like slping.. yay..so i was able to listen a bit here and dere.. too bad i can't go for de econs UK trip..wanted to go so badly.. but cannot even meet de academic criteria..and its so damn ex oso.. fine! i'm not gonna tink bout smthg impossible.. hav to get back to reality.. :(

mr how told us not to slack.. and quoted de "i told u so" tink again.. hahas.. i'm not going to let it be true..i wan to hav tears of joy on tt day.. not tears of disappointment.. hav to work hard fer dis tears.. i'm gonna fly to space someday..when i hav tt $200,000.. seems like i'm dreaming too much..

& cassandra is somewhat pissed wif me.. for indirectly causing her hp to drop on de floor.. so i apologised but she was still angry..wad could i do.. nothing! so i juz left her alone.. aft sch, she came right up to me and said she's not happy wif me.. but in a joking tone.. i dunno if she's realli okie..but she seems like it.. nvr mind..i can't do anytink oso.. juz take tinks one step at a time.

went hm wif beth and mavis.. walked in de rain..chatted all de way to cwp.. omg and i saw lesbians! they were like kissing in public..found it so disturbing..

tt guy kps asking where i live..dun dare to tell him..had bad experience b4.. so scary..dun wanna be tricked anymore..:(((

cleared all my tests except chem spa.. which makes me more relaxed..
tink i'm gonna flunk them again.. and fri we're getting our chinese 'A' results.. damn scared!
mr yip went for reservice, so came another teacher which i felt initially ~.. but aft tt felt she's okie.. coz de first tink she did when she came into de classroom was to slam de papers on de table and kp ranting at us.. we didn't even noe wad we did to her to make her so angry.. i find it so weird.. so she kp asking me qns which i was struggling hard to reply..:(
econs test at 5.40 to 7 plus.. combine H1 and H2.. we took de same paper! met up wif karen, went hm tgt.. late and tired!

maybe going out wif JB, xinyi and mavis on sat to kbox! maybe..

and a anoymous guy kp talking to me online.. weird..:(

hais..aft 5 long days, finally everytink's settled.. but y do i feel so squeamish inside.. is it tt i still can't accept tt he's gone? or is it tt dis may be de last gathering where everyone, cousins, nieces, nephews & all relatives meet tgt again? i seriously am confused.. juz in 1 yr, i lost them.. 1 yr ago, i still felt tt i was so blessed and fortunate to hav my grandparents around.. but now, i am left wif nothing.. but onli memories of them, which will fade over time.. is life realli so vulnerable and meaningless? happy memories will not last, in fact it is so short.. it was our grandparents who brought us all cousins tgt, and we would always hav gatherings in their hse.. but now i wonder when i would c them again.. so their demise would make de once big and close-knitted family split and scattered.. but we did overcome everytink tgt, and tt makes a great diff.. majong and poker cards sessions to make us stay awake, how we chased away cats frm disturbing our beloved grandfather, how i played wif all my innocent and ignorant nieces..they were all my cutie pies and make me laugh and forget my troubles in tt moment.. how we all cried tgt when he was cremated.. how i wished we could all turn back time and return to heart-warming times.. but its realli too late.. too late for regrets..

R.I.P, my dearest grandfather.. u will always be living in our hearts.. thanks for ur blessings..

crying, crying and more crying-SAD!

I MISS him!! sometink's missing..

confused..

can't do anytink..

arghx...

i realli dun feel like going sch..

but u dun seem to understand..

i noe u feel tt i am ps-ing u..

but i juz dun feel like it..

hmwk and stuff not done.. so vexed now..

he left me juz like tt.. how can he leave me alone in dis world.. how can he.. yest when i visited him he was still okie de..he talked a lot wif us..though we had a hard time figuring out wad he was saying.. but i was so surprised tt he could talk so much.. den he went back to slp soon aft.. we left aft a while..tt was de last time i saw him and bid him goodbye.. so unexpected tt he left me.. when i woke up, i felt so guilty.. why didn't i wake up earlier.. at least i could rush and c him for de last time.. i seriously regret it.. and i hearf frm my mum tt when he was bout to leave, he had tears in his eyes.. i bet he was realli sad to leave us.. but maybe i shld feel happy for him instead.. coz he could finally be free frm all his troubles and pain.. no more injections and unbearable pain in his body.. and he could be reunited wif his beloved wife.. should i.. but i realli can't bring myself to be happy.. but flashes of him being in great pain makes my tears fall.. i realli can't accept de fact tt he left.. i wan him to stay so badly.. i still wan to eat de curry tt he cooked.. i still wan to spend my weekends at his hse.. i realli dun wan everytink to change dis drastically.. i'm feeling so helpless now..

basically, New Yr is so much more diff dis time round.. de atmosphere, de ppl and de feeling is miles away diff frm de past.. in de past, i would always look forward to getting new clothes and stuff, as well as de delicious food and family gatherings.. but now, all i could look forward to was de 4 and a half days of slacking without going to sch.. tts all.. nothing else.. but i still enjoyed going to my ah ma hse.. my beloved ah ma still cooks delicious food for us and gave me a $50 hongbao which was quite a lot for me!! but other den tt, i did not realli hav a happy new yr.. coz of my ah gong(mother's side de).. went to visit him in hospital juz now.. his condition was getting frm bad to worse.. frm wad i've observed.. he got difficulty breathing..nd de oxygen mask to help.. and is always in a subconscious state.. and though he is in so much pain, he still nvr forget to give us hongbao.. went to visit him twice and i cried.. luckily todae i managed to hold out.. i realli dun wan him to worry anymore.. now, he's like having flashes of his past memories and den would occasionally dream of my late ah ma.. my mum said tt all these are actually premonitions of him leaving.. i seriously dun wan it to be true! i wan ah gong to recover.. its onli been one plus yr since ah ma left.. i dun wan to lose a loved one again.. i wan to do smthg for him but i can't do anytink.. i can onli pray for him.. we told a white lie to him.. he thought he struck lottery and was so happy.. but in reality, he didn't.. all of us assured him tt he would get de money.. i saw his contented face b4 he went back to slp.. sad sad.. hope everytink turns out okie..

happy valentine's dae! i had de most enjoyable valentine's dae todae! wif all de gals showering me wif gifts.. so happy.. earli in de morn received home-made cookies & chocs frm huixian.. xinyi gave chocs too.. den mavis and me gave chocs to de class too.. haha.. all chocs.. den later melissa gave chocs too.. hidaya gave chocs, nougats and a magnetic notepad..yay.. and tts not all.. beth gave us flowers.. first time in my lifetime i received flowers u noe.. i was over de moon la..when i reached hm quickly put in into a vase le.. haha.. no matter wad hav to take gd care of it.. my first flower! tricia and jas gave ferrero rocher( spelled wrongly, can't get it rite).. beth and jas gave extra valentine notes.. so sweet.. de first valentine i received so many pressies.. tts why i love todae.. i love all my gal frens.. i dun nd any guys okie.. all my girlfrens are enuff for me le.. lurve them lotss.. thanks for everytink.. esp karen, for ur huge box of ferrero rocher (arghx wrong spelling again!)..i was so surprised when i received it.. so ex la.. hahas.. tml shall buy to compensate those i nvr give de.. thanks yunshi for ur pressie.. de one wif de heart shape carved out on chalk or stone de..:))

sch again! first lesson econs.. felt like ages since we had econs lesson.. coz Mr How was sick for 2 lessons and i tink 1 of it oso coincided wif holidays.. half hr break to eat and den rush off for GP lecture..vocab test! luckily it was not too bad.. den maths tutorial.. i realli love maths tutorial.. so slack and relaxed coz of mr yee.. not stressful at all.. other lessons will make me feel so pressurized.. chem tutorial for straight 2 hrs.. and ms Goh was kinda pissed oso.. she juz left de class and said she'll be back in half hr.. maybe she's in a bad mood.. she looked like she was going to cry.. or did we agitate her coz we didn't do our tutorial.. haiz..dunno.. den Gp lesson for 1 half hr.. realli can't stand it.. so sleepy.. though we had lollipops to eat coz mr yip was trying to wake us up.. den mavis and me played a stupid game la.. haha.. we competed to see who could keep de lollipop stick in de mouth for de longest time would win.. haha.. and den no one win or lost.. coz aft lesson we still had de stick in de mouth.. yay.. at least i didn't lose..stayed back wif xinyi to study.. did onli 1 qn of chem? hais.. always so distracted de.. V dae tml.. going out wif beth, xinyi..mavis not sure.. coz she going out wif ~.. :( nvr mind..it will be a fun girls date!!

i realli hate my idiot bro like hell!!!!!! he sux lo.. realli wish for him to die and disappear frm dis world..i can't stand his nonsense anymore.. wad de hell.. he tink he's de prince in de hse.. everytink under his control.. always snatch com wif me.. i hav to beg him to let me use.. i realli feel so fedup le.. arghx..todae oso nvr go c ah gong.. when i saw him, i juz cried like nobody's business lo.. so sad la.. haiz.. hope he recovers soon.. and de doc still dared to sae if he poked in de needle wrongly, we hav to be prepared .. wad de.. how can he afford to be careless.. a life is in his hands u noe.. i dun care.. if u do anytink wrong, i'll hold u responsible.. take care k ah gong..

i was so happy todae.. de haunted hse was quite a successful one.. and i had a fun time scaring ppl too.. though some of them were realli irritating .. esp de guys.. they even asked me not to squeeze them coz it was very squeezy lor.. and den still scolded bad words.. and den we decided to throw de stones(dun tink literally, they were juz crushed paper) at them.. coz i was so angry as they commented tt they wasted $8 juz like tt.. okie fine..if its not scary den juz walk thru everytink alone la.. bet they dun dare.. since they are one whole large grp, of course they are not scared ma.. hmph.. fuming.. but other den tt, it was realli fun! coz of de other class ppl so more ghosts means more fun! aft our shift, we went to remove our make-up.. den went to play at de track.. ate ice-cream waffle, ice kachang, choc pudding, mai ya tang, prata... a lot of junk food which could cause fat la. aiyo.. time for exercise again.. saw karen so pro at shaping de ice for ie kachang.. kaisiang and jason they all coming for our funfair.. so sad nvr buy tiks frm me.. sobx.. den saw gerald, melissa.. they came back fer our funfair.. gerald was so funny la.. playing de gladiator.. den feet was trembling so much but ironically, he won.. hahas.. pro lor.. saw raymond going fer his competition oso.. still dunno de results yet.. bored aft bout 1 hr.. den went to de horro cafe which was not realli horror.. bought choc marshmallows=fats again.. cookies and brownies.. arghx.. den decided to sit in de haunted hse.. but still wanted to scare ppl.. so i went over to de other side and grabbed or brushed their legs.. one rude gal juz said dun touch her shoes la.. as if i wan touch her smelly shoes.. dirty my hands.. hmph.. had a lot of fun.. but time flies realli fast.. we scared de last grp at 6 plus.. den cleaned up.. took photo wif de rest.. so sad la.. like onli noe each other for so short a period of time.. den our task is done le.. haiz.. seems like it is common to come tgt and part.. juz hope tt we will still smile when we c each other nxt time.. will neva forget all those warm memories, de suicide scene, de funny sounds, how we scare de ppl tgt.. and how hx bro became de Ju On.. and how i scared some of de children and they started crying..i feel so bad.. they were so innocent..haiz..sad sad..

no lessons yest.. preparing for i@fun haunted hse.. i was supposed to be de sakura but i realli didn't wan to.. coz they told me i had to sing a short phrase of sakura tink.. so i decided to ask izzati, de one in charge if i could change to be a pontianak instead.. she said can.. so i was so elated!! so happy tt i dun hav to be alone again.. we didn't noe wad to do at first.. so we juz walked around.. finally, we were asked to discuss bout de exterior deco.. so we discussed a bit.. when we started doing, de teacher asked us to make direction signs to guide de ppl up frm de track.. coz our venue was quite deserted.. so we had to make 30.. cut everytink out and write.. but lucky we had xinyi and beth to help.. so we juz pasted de direction signs everywhere.. den went back to help tricia by crushing every newspaper.. den painted de tombstone.. aft finished painting de first one, we continued wif de second one on de balcony! tt place is so special.. we climbed over it.. den painted finsh everytink.. spill some paint on de floor.. and our hands all stained..de guy who was helping us was so crappy.. kp entertaining us.. hahas.. still dunno his name.. went toilet to wash.. couldn't washed off.. he came into de GURL's toilet u noe.. hahas.. den washed tgt wif us coz he had thinner.. den i poured too much.. and coz i had an open wound on my hands, it was even more pain.. and he became like our "jiemei".. coz we actually dun mind him coming in.. juz wanted to tease him.. rushed to lt3 to rehearse... but i was still not sure wad to do.. and i juz realised tt my pri sch fren was covering me in front.. he's de undead soldier and i was supposed to be behind him and scare de ppl.. but i realli dunno how to do it..so we juz stood dere fer de whole trial run.. i was realli scared la.. dunno wad to do oso.. den he oso shy like tt.. so i tok to him first.. den we talked a bit.. den since i recognise him, i tot he dunno me.. den he asked me whether i was frm south view.. and i was juz about to ask him oso.. hahas.. den he said we were frm de same class.. but i tot he was frm my neighbour class de.. but he said he's frm 6B.. me too ma.. so confusing lo.. if same class why we dunno each other de..funny.. so aft de trial, they taught us how to scare them and stuff coz they commented tt it was not scary enuff.. but i could onli juz help wif de deco coz i had to leave soon.. to fetch my little sis..

was slacking de whole dae yest.. morn woke up late and den stoned my precious time away.. afternoon went outt wif my dad, mum, sis and ah ma.. went to some hawker centre again to eat.. they spoiled my mood coz i was always de one ordering their food for them.. den they kp rushing me and i couldn't even tink wad i wanna eat.. so i juz anyhow choose one stall.. den i hate de auntie and uncle dere la.. i told them wad i wanted and they still dun understand.. twice.. and they looked pissed off when i should be de one.. so angry lor..they should noe everytink they sell wad.. esp de uncle, he was like diao0-ing me lo.. aarghx.. realli make me lose my appetite.. no choice i still had to eat.. i ate so unwillingly coz realli in a bad mood.. so aft tt went to some florist centre .. my ah ma wanna buy some flowers for new yr.. den my dad and mum chose 3 pots, my ah ma 3 oso.. den spend bout 100 plus lor..which i could buy a lot of clothes and stuff wif it le..



todae schooling again.. sianx.. first lesson lit.. got paired up wif padro.. so shocked la.. sorry hx.. should be u ma.. haha.. we had to do some corrections tingy.. den didn;t tok a lot.. coz very strange and weird.. guess i onli speak two sentences to him onli.. but nvr mind.. during break, i ate de cheesecake tt my mum bought.. nice but still hungry.. had to go for maths and chem lec.. econs lec again.. quite okie la.. a lot of tinks not sure.. hav to go ask mr how.. and i'm gonna fail my econs test again.. GP lesson nxt.. lucky we didn't get to present.. coz we were so not prepared.. hidaya's grp presented instead.. learnt tt dere's a religion called havo-sometink witness.. and de most interesting one- flying spagetti monster!! so cool rite.. and realised tt we hav 2 free-thinkers in our class..i didnt noe..

went distributing flyers earli in de morn to publicize our i@fun .. i realli swear i dun wanna do these kinda tinks again anymore.. wasting my time and always get chased out by irritating security guards.. we were supposed to give out de flyers in civics centre but den de idiot guard came and asked us to go further away when we were already standing so far away frm dere.. wah.. i was so pissed lor.. & is it such a chore to take de flyers or even listen to us for one min? they juz walk away or avoid us de lo.. so angry.. so in de end decided not to distribute le.. went shopping for bags and clothes wif mavis and xinyi.. actually we were going to look for de haunted hse costumes.. but no nd le.. so we left for bugis.. & i am posing as sakura.. wad am i going to wear? is sakura scary at all..i onli noe card captor sakura de.. hahas.. mavis,kelly,jas,beth will be a pontianak.. xinyi and hidaya as de two sisters.. ha..guess it will be so much fun! but realli too bad i not wif them..i will be standing alone dere.. so pathetic.. i dunno how to scare de ppl oso.. but i'll try.. so we went searching for a bag.. bought one white bag frm square.. 30 plus.. yay.. finally bought one.. bringing to sch on mon.. aft tt went mac to study till 4 .. planning to finish studying all de vocab words.. test nxt wk.. trying. . .

1/2/07

great and happie dae!! pe was so fun todae.. wif all of us hopping like bunnies.. it was said tt by jumping over de barriers, we could improve our broad jump.. guess so.. coz i can't realli jump high.. and huixian should realli get tt spring of hers off her feet.. coz she looks like those wif martial arts de.. her jump is so light but high.. when will i ever attain tt? no way.. finshed doing my pull-up so played wif monkey bar wif xinyi.. hahas.. it was so fun.. hope tt i could stengthen my arms.. chem and maths lecture was okie.. esp chem.. Mr john ng crapped a lot of funny stuff.. told us tt he bought sometink tt was red and embarrassing for himself.. led us to tink tt he bought some lingerie or stuff.. but in de end it was juz a red file la.. hahas.. and talked bout de swimming joke.. de moral is to tell us to persevere and not give up like him.. his actions, facial expressions all damn hilarious.. so i was like laughing throughout.. civics lesson we went to discuss bout de haunted hse wif de other two classes.. enrico, merrill, kahmun their class doing wif us oso.. den raymond showed us de pic of de banner.. and he said actually wanna make it look like a haunted hse or castle but ended up like a mosque.. hahas.. and we had to leave for de foyer coz we had a briefing.. den someone told me not to bring my bag.. den in de end everyone brought.. and my bag was left alone.. luckily for melissa who helped.. i wondered wad de briefing was bout.. so we had to distribute flyers on a sat morn in civivs centre bout our i@fun tingy.. but we were supposed to get our costumes for de haunted hse.. so don't realli noe wad we are going to do on tt dae... so aft sch actually planned to meet my sis to buy some food den fetch my little sis de.. but she didn't want to, so i went to eat wif mav,xy,kel.. den aft tt, actually planned to go hm de.. but since it was already late, i decided to go study wif them instead.. so tt i could ask if i had any probs.. but den we ended up chatting bout all sorts of tinks.. so funny.. kel said when she was in pri sch, a boy cut a hole in her skirt, xinyi got bitten by her fren, and mavis ended up playing catching in her class by having de 'twist sign' on her fingers while doing her hmwk and her teacher asked her why.. hahas.. i didn't had any realli happening tinks in pri sch.. onli knew tt i had a bestie and a grp of frens where we spent recess time playing catching and not eating..den we would all be so sweaty and went for class.. but we had so much fun.. imagine now in innova we start playing catching, we would be laughed by everyone.. but why not? why can't we relish our childhood times.. missed them loads..den our studying session became a chatting session instead..we were in de library.. den so many guys or rather, gangsters in uni was sitting opposite us and making a lot of noise.. and they kept looking in our direction and laughing.. dunno what kelvin said was true or was they trying to play a prank on us.. but he said he wanted to approach us.. dunno for wad.. weird bunch of guys.. den i waited for my dad coz he was in de area den shun bian fetch me hm.. reach hm very late.. but no sch tml!! yipee:)