met up wif karen at 7 plus.wanted to study but ended up chatting and crapping again. den when we realli decided to start studying,jas and vonne came and we talked again. discussed about sun stuff which will be SO FUN!vonne left aft a while, and den we acc jas to take her bus b4 loitering at lot 1.so sian.coz karen and me was so tired and brain dead so we didn't feel like studying.went lib oso no use.so i went hm instead while she went to meet kahying and carol.carol the best,slpt till 12 plus den call karen.lolx.

i am in a dilemma.i feel like skipping my exams on tues.i dun feel like taking it lor.i haven even prepared anything.somemore its in classrooms.i tot hall was a much better venue.sian.

i am left with chem and econs paper 3.its a relief to get most of the papers done. though i noe tt i screw everything up.almost every paper i was stoning all the way, the teachers look at me like i'm gg to cheat or smthg.den somemore i tot tt the teacher was refering to me about the coloured hair thingy.was she? i dunno. and yest mr chu said tt he and the other teachers were ready to sacrifice the 10% bottom students.but i felt tt it was unfair.even though we get low grades but they are supposed to help us all the way,but now i was shocked to hear tt onli the top students would be offered help.so i wun be able to ask any qns? so why do i still hav to go to sch? i might as well study at home.

The yi ge xiang xia tian,yi ge xiang qiu tian song is realli meaningful=)

GREAT! i screwed up my lit.ms lin is so gonna kill me.i wanted to show her tt i could improve,but i dunno why i was so nervous till i blank out and couldn't conc.
shit me,i'm going to disappoint her again.=(

slacked at carol's hse yest.so fun! hahas.karen and me arrived at 8 plus,bought our fave fried carrot cake,queue for mifen too long so karen ate carrot cake instead.jas couldn't make it.and since we planned to study so decided not to ask vonne.coz we were afraid tt we will leave her out and bore her while studying.so sorry vonne! actually carol's hse was perfect for studying,just tt i was not in the right mood to do so.so i wasted one whole last dae for me to mug.but i enjoyed it.coz karen and me treated it like our hse,while carol was slping,we turned the kitchen upside down.lolx.the garlic bread broke into half and dropped on the floor.haahs.den the nuggets were still not realli cooked.then decided to wake carol up,but she cont slping like a pig:)den karen tricked her tt the nuggets were chao da.den she woke up wif a shock.so funny.den skillful carol came into action.cooking for us to eat.so nice.den we watched videos and stuff.went hm at 4 and nvr studied anything:(

todae i screwed up my econs case study.crapping my way through,nvr drew any graphs and misinterpreted the sources.i am so gonna be dead.i dunno why,but i am gradually losing the motivation tt i previously had.since i alrdy noe tt i am not getting into a uni.slacking every moment.sick of studying.=(

退到了绝境再退 破碎到不能破碎
能挽回什么你就不肯说
我只能猜疑却都错
泪水灌溉这伤悲 绝望是你赐给的安慰
为何你说谎我却受惩罚
你不如就用刀刺下
我可以痛了再痛 你可以错了再错
不甘心不闪躲只为那失真的承诺
我转身让你换着活你存心用尽我宽容
为什么连谎言你也刺破

爱或痛彼此纠结 悲和我无法分解
厌倦的疲累成了一片黑
伤痛都已无法消灭
泪水滋润着泪水 背叛是你另一种慰藉
完美的借口泪无辜留下
你不如用乱箭射吧
我可以痛了再痛 你可以错了再错
不甘心不闪躲只为那失真的承诺
我转身让你换着活你存心用尽我宽容
为什么连谎言你也刺破

即使我头也不回这悲剧猛向我追
情愿你全部摧毁别留着燎原的火堆
给你的自由将我吞没
给我的爱像一根绳索
你放手却捆住了我
不甘心不闪躲全为了失真的承诺
我可以痛了再痛 你可以错了再错
不甘心不闪躲只为那失真的承诺
我转身让你换着活你存心用尽我宽容
为什么连谎言你也刺破
为什么连谎言你也不说

i heard that two of my frens's father passed away.one because of he slipped and fell but no one noticed when it was too late.another collapsed while running.its realli shocking and sad to noe tt they have lost their loved ones.i noe tt feeling realli clearly,i noe tt its hard to cheer up and everthing.and with the prelims going on,its even worse.Life is SO unpredictable.i can onli sae tt cherish and treasure ur loved ones.dun wait till its too late and start regretting.i still miss my ah gong and ah ma:(

met mavis and wanted to study at lib.but i bloody hell saw him!wth,spoil my mood.and since i was late and dere was no space, so we decided to go mac and study.and i realli couldn't study at all.i was dozing off and den just read on and on.nthg went into my head.i am so gonna screw up my prelims.

HAHA.my mummy told me tt i was onli two KG when i was born..not like my sis and bro who was 3 or 4 KG.she said her stomach was so small when she had me.lolx.i am so looking forward to my twin cousins.when they grow a bit bigger,i hope i can bring them out for HAPPY MEALS! so cool=)

met up with kgang.surprisingly,carol was earlier den me.hahas.decided to go ya kun to eat first.since jas will not be coming so soon.finally,i had the appetite to eat toast.and the cheezy french toast was realli nice.carol had to leave for her CCA thingy and was late because of us,mostly coz she waited for jas.hahas.so left with we three and we went up to mac to meet xiaowei.couldn't study wif jas distracting us. gonna learn the song "LAOPO" by SHE.since it is meaningful.so jas left to meet her bf.studied till 4 den i left first.but i only read half of my lit guide book.not productive again.i miss the chats with my mummy coz of studies.=(

met mavis at 7.went sch to study.only read newsweek,actually planned to study chem last min.but no mood.took chem mock test and as expected,i flunked like shit.no one could have scored lower than me.so discouraging.went thru answers and cleared some doubts.but still,i alrdy noe tt i am not going to pass any of my sub in prelims. hais.went for lunch and headed for lib to study.but couldn't conc so left at 5 plus. saw shihui and seok eng.bentink joined us oso but left aft tt.i should have been the one leaving.extra.

quickly rushed home,bathed and changed to meet carol at coffee bean.the environment is so good.i'm gonna study dere again someday.though i studied smthg, it is still not so productive. but i enjoyed studying wif carol and she ended up dozing off.haha.left at 9 plus.daddy came to fetch me and we went for a family dinner! so happy. ages since we ate dinner tgt.began playing the stupid tongue twisting game. only daddy could do it.haha.home sweet home:)

todae i woke up late and went out wif mummy and sis.without my little sis bothering me,every moment seems so peaceful.=)we sent her off to sch for some lit course. off to lot 1.developed photos taken yrs ago.when my younger sister was still skinny. found out tt we actually took a recent family photo!and one taken when my grandma was still around.[i miss the times when we would gather at their hse.catch up wif our cousins.its kinda sad to go on our separate ways now.]went to pharmacy to get smthg.i saw chun ye and couldn't recognise him at all when my sis hinted me.too bad. lunched at food court.mum bought stuff to cook for dinner and we left. my mum seriously need to get some specs.she mistook a sleeping buddha for a person.hahas. i couldn't stop laughing=)

woke up late.jolted up frm bed.actually planned to go karen hse to study first.but we kp playing(i kp disturbing her) till 10 plus she went to bath den i started reading a few lines of econs. den we had to leave alrdy.she treated me to chocs.can't deny tt i realli lurve chocs.headed to cck platform to meet carol.and tt blur sotong actually took the wrong train and ended up at the other side.hahas.so when we finally sat down in Gelare it was 12.30 sharp.spent very long deciding whether to stay or leave for other places to study.ended up in kfc and saw shihui and jacintha.quickly called her.and she came and crapped.haahs.finished up our food and went civics lib cafe to study.but not productive.jas came aft tt and bought us cute gummy sweets! jas took daffy,karen took tazmania(i wanted tt too),carol took sylvester,vonne tweety and me bugs bunny! haahs.too bad vonne can't join us coz of sch.hais.but nvr mind.we'll see u soon!went home aft tt while they went back to Gelare for the half-priced waffle.jas talked bout her probs.now i noe true frens are realli hard to come by.so i shld treasure what i hav.

AND I HAVE DECIDED OFFICIALLY TT I AM GOING TO GIVE UP STUDYING.no point getting myself so stressed up over it.i am alrdy trying hard to study, not tt i dun wan to. but so many things are hindering me.why does it onli happen to me then.its realli so unfair.and i see no improvements in my grades even if i study.so whats the use of mugging so hard.since i alrdy noe tt i wun get into uni,i shld just play all i can den apply for a private uni if i can.or i shld just start working rite? I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE A DAMN BOUT STUDYING ANYMORE.

k-boxing session wif my dearest cousins.reALLI long nvr see them le.actually it was onli us plus anger.but then marcus and lek fong tagged along.so we were a bit leng chang at first.everyone dun dare to sing except the two guys.but gradually it was getting okay le.hahas.the room they gave us was so big and spacious.the first time we had such a big room i guess.den they wanted to go watch movie aft tt,but coz we spent a lot so deicided not to go.but sis was like throwing tantrums.so we had no choice but to go.in the end the timing was not suitable so the guys went to play lan.while anger acc us to walk around coz of sis again.den decided to go eat at kfc. mummy saw us and joined us.split up aft tt.anger went hm.but i tot i wanted to go find carol as she was playing pool.but she didn't saw me and nvr picked up the phone again! i even reminded her to ans my call.haahs.so we went home.




i decided to go out and study everydae frm tml onwards.wed and thurs i hav to go sch.wed chem mock exam.and i'm gonna fail like shit since i nvr study at all. and thurs consultation wif ms lin, but hav not prepared any qns to ask her.i hav too much queries and dunno where to start.but i can't possibly ask her to reteach everthing again.and i got back my lit mock exam,47%..no hopes for prelims.hais.


BTW, pls support elaine F2 in Campus superstar! she got the highest score last round!Continue to jiayou, ELAINE! everyone pls vote for her!

thinking back, i found myself kind of childish to leave home in the middle of the night..just because i was angry wif my family for not providing me a suitable studying environment.and tt is the main reason why i couldn't focus on studying. but they don't understand.they kp thinking tt its a small prob.but to me, its realli a big prob.tts why i wanted to go out and study everytime.hais.but i returned back hm aft an hr coz i realli dunno where to go.and my bro came down to look for me.just in time to deter the Bangala who was lurking behind.at tt time,i just wanted my bro to just go away and let the Bangala kill me.i was so angry and frustrated tt i dun care. but i knew my mum called my bro to ask for me.but i just wanted to shout in their ear tt i was dead.if i continue to waste my time coz of the prob of studying environment,my studies will realli be affected. nvr mind.its over.i noe i'm stupid to have done tt.

anw,i'm quite disappointed tt u dun understand me at all.if you're my fren,u wouldn't care so much bout me not acc you, but rather,i tot u would understand tt i have my own reasons. and i was trying to ask xy to pei u when u said dun nd.but i noe deep down u nd her,or just anyone.coz u are not independent.everywhere you go, there will always be ppl accompanying u.even when you go hm so how can u sae you dun nd ppl to pei. i noe i'm realli a bad fren, not like ur pri or sec sch frens who always care and give you good advice or even encourage you.i'm not like them.maybe coz i'm not experienced in relationships or any other things tt your good frens can provide solutions for.somemore a lot of ppl kp saying i bully you or treat you badly.so sometimes i wonder, are we realli good frens or acquantainces?

todae supposed to meet karen they all at 7.15..but den karen went back hm to take smthg,xiaowei and carol would be late.so i had to study alone first till bout 8.den karen and xiaowei came.carol came aft tt.ate breakfast den i had to leave coz meeting mavis at woodlands lib to study.again,lots of ppl.managed to find a table though,luckily.studied till 12 plus den we left for lunch at mac again.huixian came to pass me the lit mock paper and den decided not to go for training.so she studied wif us instead.but she was quite guilty.saw zhijie and zhiling.zhijie nvr saw me. hahas. damn long nvr see zhiling le.i recognnised her laughter right away.still the same.chatted a while.around 5 plus i couldn't take it wanted to go hm badly.so packed up and left.not productive todae.hais.

actually todae i was quite unhappy.coz it was more den once when we said meet up but in the end, smthg will crop up.and i will be left alone.i dunno why, but does it onli happen to me? sometimes it realli spoils my mood.but i assured myself tt it was a coincidence or maybe it was too much thinking on my part. i get back tt feeling tt i felt months ago. but i hope it will fade away.i dun like tt feeling.

another thing.u just told me tt you both wanted to go buy smthg.and i tot u were just going to get smthg frm mac. but i didn't noe you actually went to the supermarket and shop for half and hr plus b4 coming back.and not onli once.twice. both without asking me whether i wanted to tag along.am i invisible or am i just a person to be responsible to look after your belongings while you go shop? maybe you will think i'm petty, but i'm sure if you were me, you will definitely feel dis way too.no matter wad, if there are always other ppl hanging out wif us,i will still talk to you and not leave you alone.unless there are ppl accompanying you. i guess you also wun noe tt though in vietnam,you were the one feeling lwft out most of the time, i was also being left out sometimes too.i guess you didn't notice. but nvr mind.now is not the time to think so much.studies are more impt.

past two days was such a waste of time for me.i realli dunno why.so many obstacles preventing me to study.i can't study.

Andrew was online and den he advised me not to give up.i shld just mug hard for these few months.maybe i'll be going to the lib everydae to study.even though i wun hav enuff money to eat whatsoever.but no choice, i dun wan to sacrifice my studies for the sake of having a good meal.i'll start frm tml.but i haven even complete one chap of maths and chem.haven even touch econs or h1.so i'm gonna work hard frm now on.JIAYOU!

yest slacked at home for whole dae.i nvr touched my rusty books.still in a hol mood. i realli feel like giving up.so i gave up and decided to watch tv, online,blog and do things my own way.now i'm regretting, too late.

todae met up wif kgang.gave them the snowman pouches.sorry,its a bit han suan i noe. but no choice i realli didn't bring enuff money wif me.i nvr even buy anything for my bro lehx.u all shld be honoured kaes.chatted and they ate at ya kun.headed for the carpark staircases and outside the cinemas at a deserted corner.but the security uncle keep driving us out.:( so we decided to go food court instead.listened to the four songs tt karen composed.nice, but can you pls study not? no time le still compose song.den aft tt jas and vonne left so me,loo and ren studied dere till 6 plus. but i onli did 4 qns of maths.shit me.arghx.and i keep refering lehx.not tt i noe how to do.

and my sis keep commenting tt my blogskin is like some pri sch de.make me laugh like hell. coz all the bear and all tt.quite childish.so i'm gonna change it soon.

here to update on the vietnam trip!

Day 1:
reached dere at 3 plus.the pressure made my ears feel so painful throughout the aeroplane ride.i realised tt i hav a bit phobia of taking aeroplanes.checked into hotel.so diff frm what i expected.clean and quite spacious.went to a realli great restaurant.the ambience is super nice.wif ppl playing the guitar and violin.suprised to noe tt vietnam actually has dis kind of restaurants.food was great too.
hahas.considered to be a candlelight dinner.just tt it was wif my galfrens.

Day 2:
went CUCHI tunnel.tt place was so interesting.we crawled thru two tunnels.which was like onli big enuff for a dog(slightly bigger one la).legs were numbed frm crawling. hands were dirty, plus dere were millipedes and frogs all over the place.i realli wondered how 20,000 ppl survived dere for 20 yrs.they realli have strong determination. and i am scared of beig trapped in tt enclosed area.which xinyi said was a illness or smthg.but i tot i wouldn't be like tt till i went in and was going omg.perspiring like shit when i came out.but still,it was quite fun la.dere was a firing range and i regret tt i nvr tried shooting.:( ate at a shark's fim restaurant which is so high class.food was superb too.

Day 3:
MEKONG DELTA. took a wooden boat ride to some of the islands.bought coconut candy and a croc skin wallet for dad.first time i bargained and we were told tt we realli had no skill.first time ma.went another island and took a pony carriage ride.so fun! the pony was realli pathetic though.it seems realli tough for it to pull all 6 of us on the cart.we took pics wif it and it suddenly swiped its tail at mr mahmood who was standing so close to it.and he was like arghx got a shock.so funny, i couldn't stop laughing. went for lunch.ate elephant fish! plus a lot of delicacies. went to the war remnants museum.war is realli cruel. dinner near the riverside.i lurve the place.

Day 4:
went to whole lot of places.first to people's community building.couldn't go in so took pics outside.den to vietnam museum.again bout war, and we watched a video. and saw the killings.they are so damn cruel la.den went to the pagoda.similar to the temples in singapore.but interesting to noe of the one-eyed religion.which includes all religions.REUNIFICATION PALACE.the rooms and furnitures are realli grand.lurve the rooftop best:)Ben Than Mkt next.wanted to shop for a lot of things. but not enuff time.onli two hrs.so i just bought perfume and slippers for myself,a bottom for my mum.sian.i tot i would be on a shopping spree but disappointed.didn't even bring enuff money oso.teachers said $100 was enuff.but i did not have enuff to spend. wasted.arghx.

Day 5:
ate our last breakfast dere.bade tham,the helper and the driver farewell.quite sad coz they were realli very friendly during the trip.kp shaking hands wif them.took a pic and left.reached s'pore at 1 plus.mummy and sis were late.i waited for a whil den left.i didn't wan you to wait wif me coz he was around.you could hav just left and dun bother bout me.coz i realli felt so extra dere.i rather wait alone.and now i tink u all will feel tt i am so petty.but in fact i am not.i just hate dis kind of feeling.which i tink u will nvr noe.since u always had him to acc.so nxt time pls just ignore me and leave.i realli feel much better dis way. went mac to hav lunch wif mummy and sis.though i ate on the plane but when i saw them i was so happy tt my appetite regained and i felt hungry again.hahas. took mrt back home lugging the heavy luggage.home sweet home.

sometimes i realli wonder whether i would be a happier person if i lived somewhere in a less developed country like vietnam.Like tham, though he earns a meagre salary being a tour guide,he still feels so happy at all times.contented wif everything he has.and he is taking a masters degree now.how hardworking and simple they are. unlike me.i'm born in singapore where everyone including me is materialistic,yearn for better lives and so on.i would rather hav stayed dere and not come back.coz i still hav to mug for my prelims and A levels.which is so torturing.

Finally back from vietnam.lazy to blog bout the itinery and stuff.shall blog more tml. sad to sae,5 daes was so fast.feeling a bit sad but happy.dunno why.the trip was nice, but if onli the ppl were better, den the trip would be more fun. but still, it was okay, couldn't shop enuff! and i shld hav brought more money.$100 wasn't enuff for me.lots of things to buy but not enuff time.teachers were great, tour guides esp debbie and tham are so friendly and nice ppl.and tham's eyes disappears whenever he smiles.and debbie is cool,her tongue ring.feeling a bit emo now.i'm always like dis aft a trip overseas.maybe i still miss vietnam? the food and interesting places we went.and the roads are always packed wif motorcycles.crossing the road has nvr been so fun b4.so i conclude tt i realli still miss vietnam, so i'm gonna ask my dad to bring our family dere nxt time.

VIETNAM-HO CHI MINH !:p

carol replaced me for work todae! so i went shopping for my stuff.but first we went temple wif ah ma.and den mum said prayed for safety and blah blah.hahas.nice to noe tt she care. den went changi.and i found one shop tt sells realli nice jeans at cheap rates. was just telling my dad tt kind of place sure dun hav de.who noes.hahas.
den went to buy a torchlight.went to eat at changi village.nice minced meat noodles. always been eating tt everytime.mum and dad paid for everything.ah ma even wanted to give me money for vietnam but i dun wan take frm her.coz my uncle and auntie have been sort of living off her.and she's alrdy 67 and still has to work.plus the two baby twins coming out soon.hais.dunno how she's going to carry all tt burden.i dunno how to help too.coz i'm broke. den went changi beach.me and sis strolled along the seaside.wif lots of seaweeds sticking to my feet.eew.but quite fun. den we went to watch aeroplanes take off somewhere dere.went to straighten my hair.shit.off to packing.haven packed yet.

leaving for vietnam tml.dun miss me kaes.i mean my family!!and those who realli care bout me. will cum back soon..ahahs.

went jurong fuji palace to work todae.wif karen and xiaowei.got to noe 3 very nice gals-michelle,brittania and yan ru. did lots of things,help out in the photo booth and oso ran around looking for competitors.freddy was a nice guy too.though it was tiring but it was realli fun.i didn't expect it to be like tt.so i enjoyed it but having a splitting headache now.maybe due to the cold temp dere.luc and armadeus was realli cute.held luc's little hand! hahas.lurve all the children dere.and they are realli good at ice-skating.esp the teenage group.worked 13 hrs straight but time seemed to pass quite fast.den xiaowei kp seeing a guy tt she realli liked. okay la.quite handsome.but the guy kp disappearing and appearing again. and we guessed tt he liked one of a 13 yr old gal dere. coz whenever tt gal was competing, he would appear again.xiaowei was heartbroken lor. but nvr mind.dere are still other guys waiting for you out dere. dun worry.lolx.karen was like planning ahead tt she would let her child learn to ice-skate nxt time.i agree.since we can't get to learn it ourselves,its like too late, so we can onli pin hopes on our children.provided i get married.duh. off to sleep.exhausted.

hais.i seriously dunno wad to do. i noe it was me who wanted to work initially.but then coz i didn't noe tt the job was not wad i expected. and hav to work up to 13 hrs. plus nxt dae i hav to go vietnam le.and i haven pack all my stuff.dunno where to start. plus haven bought wad i wanted to buy yet. though i hav alrdy bought 3 tops and 1 pair of jeans. but still, i haven got the necessities. shit me.why did i agree without tinking whether i was free not. but i realli can't work on sun. sat still can. and its not guaranteed money somemore.tts the prob.karen said i always sae dunno for everything.but i'm realli very fan la. and a lot of events happened aft i tot i settled it. so its not me who last min do tinks.hais.no choice.i just hav to go.and den if i dun manage to sell den free labour.

fretting plus depression soon.